I'm A Bad Sister, A Bad Friend, A Bad Daughter!!

As the words came out jumbled in between tears and the little shoulders shaking uncontrollably, I felt a sharp pang on my chest.

I took my seven year old in my arms and hugged her tightly wishing that somehow I have that magic power to glue her broken heart together.

But the more I hug her, the more it feels like besides crushing her little bones, my hugs aren't doing much more.

Only a year ago, I remember the super-confident six year old. The world is in her hands and she danced her way through and around it gracefully. She was one of those kids who just had this natural pull for people in the playground and everyone naturally gravitates around her. She was one of those kids who are often lost in her own world with her friends eager to hear the latest news from the world she created. She was in love with the world and the world loved her too.

So where did this come from?

Playground politics became too much for her to handle. In between school, homework, playground politics and sibling rivalry, she seems to have lost the time to hang out in her imaginary world.

Her sister had bought her a chocolate for Valentine's. A chocolate that she gave to her teacher. Her sister's heart was broken. She was broken hearted too.

"I'm a bad sister, mommy...." she said sulking. "I am soooo sorry.....I didn't want to hurt my sister. I just didn't understand....." sobbing now.

She had received an 'unsigned' card from her dad. She spent the whole day wondering who it was from. When she finally figured it out, the crying continues..."I'm a bad daughter.....I don't even know my dad's handwriting...."

I'll save you from the complication of the playground politics that had resulted in the, "I'm a bad friend" episode. (You'll thank me for this as it involves, so and so didn't invite me in this game and the other one then said to me that so and so no longer thinks of me as her bestfriend as so and so is much better on the swing than me and ....---yes, you got the drift).

Her little chest shriveled in pain as she was crying her heart out. I can feel her shrinking in my arms.

So I told her, "Babe, you're NOT a bad person. Your heart hurts because you're not a bad person. Your a GREAT person that makes some mistakes. WHich is fine. Everyone makes mistakes. But you're a beautiful person and we love every inch of you."

I wish she would still let me hug her all night. But that's not what seven year old does. "Good night, mommy. Thank you for the offer to sleep with me but I'll just see you in the morning, ok?"

More hugs, more kisses, and I spent a few hours after she was asleep just staring at her pretty face.